A better analogy, for me anyways. Someone I love is drowning, we're at a remote lake with no other help available. I throw them a ring with a line attached and tell them to grab it, I'll pull you in. The ring is almost within their grasp, maybe 10 feet away. They can reach that ring, if they try. They refuse, telling me that they want me to swim them back to safety.
Problem is, when I get there they thrash about in a panic, now they're pulling me down also, I swallow a lot of water for what seems like an extended period, I'm drowning with them, it takes a while to extricate myself.
I get back to shore, exhausted. Meanwhile, they're still out there thrashing about, they keep going under, clearly drowning. I offer to throw the ring out again, they plead that they can't do it, they need me to swim back out.
This analogy works for me as I'm a terrible swimmer-and a smoker, which doesn't help.
My choice, watch them drown, drown with them, or walk away. Possibly if I do walk away they'll make an effort to grab the ring, and pull themselves in, realizing that the responsibility for saving themselves is theirs alone.
The only choice we have as codependents is whether we want to contribute to their problem.