Thanks for your viewpoint, Sailorjohn. The point I was trying to make (but I guess I didn't do it very well) was that despite his problems, my husband is not some different being, "The Addict". He is still himself, just himself with some problems. Big ones to be sure, but it doesn't make him some evil creature that I need to flee from. It makes him human, just like the rest of us. I know there are many times in my life when I would not have been able to pull through without the help and support of loved ones, including my husband. This whole "hands off the addict" thing makes no sense to me.
"Anything we do to allow the A to escape the consequences of their choices is codependency."
If my husband had no substance problem, but was depressed and "chose" to try to slit his wrists, I would call him an ambulance. This would allow him to escape the consequences of his actions, yes, but it would also save his life. Would this be co-dependency? By some definitions, yes. I would call it helping save the life of a loved one. So I guess we will have to agree to disagree about the co-dependency thing.
Respectfully,
Daisy