I'm a pretty firm believer in "what ever works" for each person. I semi married to a guy whose drinking got to the point where it really grossed me out. At the same time, I have been drinking since I was 14, every day (except when preggers or nursing) for 28 years. I quit without the 12 steps or higher power stuff, although I promised myself at the time, if it didn't work my way I would try AA. He quit when I did, 4+ months ago.
That being said, he is a great guy and I wish him success in finding a healthier way to live, but there are under lying issues he needs to figure out that I can't really help him with. I have been doing tons of work through the "codependency" school of thought. I don't like definitions, I do know that I had some seriously whacked out ways of thinking about myself, and that codie train of thought is helping me find my way back to me.
For me, being codependent has nothing to do with him, or my kids, or my parents, it has to do with finding MY inner strength and peace, so that I can be content. If it ends up with him, all the better~ But if he doesn't fix his sh!t, I am trying to fix myself so I can be independently ok.