See, I think for me if the option is to either continue as I am or completely stop drinking, then I'd end up continuing as I am...
I enjoy going out and getting a little bit drunk... I just don't like the complete mess I get myself into.
I can stop after 2 or 3... but it's when I get a bit drunk that I just keep going. But I want to be a bit drunk when I'm out, because I'm quite shy and so self aware that when I'm in a club I feel really awkward if I'm stone sober... I won't dance for example until I'm drunk.
Maybe it isn't as much of a problem as I think it is, maybe I'm overplaying it. Most of my friends just seem to think it's funny, and I seem to end up as the life of the party almost...
I've spent the whole of today on a massive downer from last night though (which quite often happens after I've been really drunk the night before)... just feel stupid and ashamed and annoyed at myself for the mess I got into. I made an utter arse of myself with some girl I like, who I'd already told that in a subtle way and kept quiet from other people... but apparently after last night everyone knows it because I just didn't stop... Idiot.
But then tomorrow I'll be fine... and next time I go out I'll probably be right back on it..., but I am getting tired of being the drunken fool.
This is just rambling really.
I have this like in built guilt meter thing almost as well.... like I'll wake up the next morning, and KNOW when I've done something stupid, like sending inappropriate texts or whatever, without having a clue what I've done... so I then have to check my texts and facebook etc to see what stupid thing I did.... but it's weird, because I always know if I have done something, even if I don't know what it was