DW - A suggestion: A baby-step of getting a part-time job would more than likely help with your self-esteem. To be in a situation where you are valued for what you do. Do a good job, take pride in your job. Being around people who talk to you and respect you - that in itself can help start to build the strength you are looking for. Your own money, in your own account, safe for you when you need it - independent... By starting small, you never know where it will take you - but by not starting at all, you know exactly where you are.
When a friend of mine was in a situation of being a staying at home Mom, feeling trapped to keep the family together, etc. her husband could get in her face, call her bluffs, etc. She felt she had no where to go. Her fear left her feeling paralyzed and stuck. Then, she got a job. She was an admin for a group of engineers. They liked her, they respected her, they treated her with respect and valued her opinion. She was part of their team and they let her know she was an important part of their team. OMG, the difference that made - more than talking to me or anyone. She remembered, she was valuable, she was interesting, she was respectable, etc. All the things I knew - and somewhere in her she knew it too, she just couldn't feel it because all she felt was fear.
The choices she makes now are not defined by fear.
Just a suggestion.
(((hugs)))