Life....good life is hard enough with daily trials and tribulations. Do you really want to be on a merry-go-round going nowhere for the rest of your life? I love my son with all my heart, miss him and think about him everyday, but can not have him in my life, because while he is in my life, I can barely exist and function. Same as you, I told him get clean or stay out of my life. It hurts, but not nearly as bad as watching and experiencing it every day. Hang tough and good luck. Time heals.