Barbara52

Ah, I work toward change in me not the A. I have no right let alone ability to change another person. We are all adults with the right to screw up our lives as much as we choose to. DOesn't mean I like that fact that my xAH for example refuses to admit he is an alcoholic and certainly hasn't done a thing to deal with it. But I accept that he is who and what he is. I cannot change him. I cannot control him. I cannot cure him.

I didn't say you have to stop being a friend. Just examine what that friendship is doing to you and think about whether you want to continue it.

And yes, if some one I cared about had cancer and refused treatment and by doing this harmed me in some way, I would stop being their friend. I don't see that as at all likely becasue another person refusing cancer treatment rarely has negative effects on those around them as alcholism does.


[QUOTE=MyItalianLove;2200487] I guess I'm just holding on to the hope that someday he'll decide he is ready for treatment and I want to be there when that happens. Everyone else has given up on him and I know what it's like to feel like all the peole you love have jumped ship on you. [/qutoe]

I left my xAH about 2 yrs ago now. I still hope he gets out of denial and seek sobriety. But I care from a distance. I am no longer enmeshed in all the fallout from AH's choices.

Hope is a wonderful thing. But if hope casues me to forget that my needs and wants matter, causes my life to become unmanageable, hope has turned into something else.

There is nothing wrong with setting a boundary on this friendship that says somethign along the lines of "I care for you and hope you seek sobriety. When and if you do, we may be able to continue our friendship. But as long as you are an actgive alcoholic, I cannot put myself in to the pain and drama that is involved."