He does love me, he loves me more than he loves himself. Maybe that was part of the attraction in the beginning, maybe its part of the turn off now.
There is the school of thought that says "He and I are sober now, we can rebuild" He quit drinking for me, we never argue, if the shoe were on the other foot he wouldn't hesitate to forgive me.
But then there is "too much water under the bridge". In the end, he didn't have my back, and I am just devastated.
Thank you all for the responses. I typed this post in sort of a fog, kind of forgot about it. My "recovery" work has been going so well in most areas, I think all the sh1t between he and I is just leeching out because it hurts to much to rip the bandage off and just look.