forgiveness without the steps
So I am almost 4 months sober and feeling pretty great. My next hurtle is getting past some old negative feelings. I am looking for the non-AA thoughts on resentment. An example:
I still live in the same house with my husband, but we separated 5 years ago. The night I quit drinking, he (by his own admission) instigated sexual shenanigans with. . .others (sigh) that involved me. I have spent sooooo many years baby sitting him when he drank too much, making sure he didnt screw up too badly. The incident, which took place when I was black out drunk ( a very rare occurrence for me, his twice-weekly condition) was something he should have known I would NEVER participate in sober.
There has always been a chance that we might end up back together. I am dealing with my shame and culpability for the event.
O.k., so get to my point right. AA has steps dealing with my character defects or moral short comings or w/e. I think they even have a step where I have to forgive other people for what they have done. As I am not working the steps, do I get past this? How do you all deal with people who angered you, or let you down? He doesn't think he did anything wrong. I wont even get into the other people involved, but I have totally isolated myself from all of my former friends, and don't care right now if I ever talk to anyone who was at the house that night (both because of my shame, and my anger towards anyone who could have stopped the madness).
From dabbling in these forums, I get that I am not suppose to hold resentment, but how do I just say "its cool, it was a mistake no worries".
I like my husband enough, but I am pretty repulsed at his lack of. . .common sense maybe, or brotherhood, or bleh, what ever is missing where people just dont give a f*ck when bad stuff is going down.