SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information - View Single Post - girlfriend appears to be a closet drinker?

04-13-2009, 09:12 PM

# 113 (permalink)

CrackQuack

Member

Join Date: Mar 2009

Location: Dayton, OH.

Posts: 879

Quote:

Originally Posted by deadboy1977

Still no word from her
She also takes PROZAC I know, no other meds...
Her parents were really nice when I met them Sunday. I was wondering if it would be for the good to discuss some things in confidence with them? Probably not since SHE/THE GIRL needs the self realization per all the posts here. She did ask me how the meeting went Sat night and I told her. A woman told her story (somewhat similar to my gf's)....she just listened. Didnt seem to really phase her.......

NO NO NO. Do not discuss anything with her parents. I told my ex's parents about what we had been doing with their money (smoking crack). They took his credit cards and cash allowance, but are in denial. They think that fixed it. And really, all it did was TICK HIM OFF TO THE POINT HE THREATENED TO KILL ME. Left a voice mail, had me followed, called all of my friends and family to tell them what they already knew (to try to get back at me), and even threatened my CHILDREN! DO NOT TALK TO HER PARENTS ABOUT HER ADDICTION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And that ex, he's still doing drugs, but I washed my hands of him when I decided that -I- had to get clean. For me, telling his parents was good FOR ME. Even though I had to go to the police for protection, it was for a short period, and it was worth it as I am free from that man and the way he twists everything and lies and sucks you in. He's an addict. I know how he thinks because I am too. I started out with that co-dependent crap and ended up being the user. I STILL am. I catch myself all the time.
Go to the meeting, and yes, many people will parrot the advice you've been given. They may have even more and better advice, since they are going through the same things!
Do not just leave the note/key/her stuff/etc. TELL HER TO HER FACE! And the note, like I said, it's not a good one. No offense, but it will be something to add fuel to her fire. Throw it out! Just talk to her about distancing yourself from her and the chaos and drama of her addiction. She may not respond well, but that's her problem. Not yours.
And going through her things? That's just insane.
A lot of addicts are adept at fooling strangers . The ones that love and care for us, they know (not always- but usually). My Mom knew I was on something WAY before I confessed. So it's no wonder your GF can easily fool people at work and keep her job. I know I had a tough time, for a brief period, holding down a job, but that was when my addiction was at full throttle. I chose crack over my lover, my drag racing, my children, my family, my friends, and my job. I held a job only long enough to save a few hundred for more crack. Then when they scheduled me for a weekend I had planned to get loaded, I simply didn't show up. One job I got fired at because I was SO loaded, I went on a violent sort of rampage. I actually called a customer quite a few very very rude names and threatened to kick his azz. I threw a cash register bag (the thing that holds money, with a LOT of coins in it), yelled, screamed, and made a total fool of myself. I left a path of destruction larger than Hurricane Katrina. And she'll do the same, eventually. She just needs to get there. All you can do is pray for her, go to Al Anon, and hope she doesn't kill herself or anyone else when she hits that bottom.
DB, ask yourself this question: "Why do we fall?"
Do you know the answer????
It's so we can learn to pick ourselves up.
Please let her fall. You've come here, you've found a wonderful source of advice and information.
We cannot control you any more than you can control her, but seriously, please consider all the wonderful advice given here, in this thread.