**SNIPPED
Originally Posted by
deadboy1977 
I hear everyone.....
She has said on several occasions that her past relationships have spurred her drinking again. She always finds the WRONG guys (except me she has said - she has said she is lucky with me and doesnt deserve me on a few occasions). Unfortunately I am a bit of a softie...
Manipulation. She does not drink because of anyone or anything else. She drinks because of what is going on with her. But she feels she is a victim. She will say what she needs to say to survive and protect her disease. And I felt a tremendous amount of shame for what I was doing, who I had become. It was a vicious circle. And I do not know what it will take for her to "get it" but I WOULD establish some boundaries with her. I would tell her that you will NOT allow her to drink or be under the influence while interacting with you. So no more drunk calls will be accepted, etc. Take care of YOU.
We bought tickets to the KY Derby in early May and her birthday is in May...I feel I have to stick with her up to that point. When she is sober she is incredible...a great person. She will do anything I want to do with her (i.e. she hasnt been to church in years and is going Sunday because I want to go). My thinking is to make her birthday special and then back away. I know some of you will lecture me on this....so fire away! In the meantime I will go to the alanon meetings to try and understand. At the AA meeting I went to a lady there said she would bring me in some books tonights that are really good so I need to definately go. She drank last night of course and I got the midnight calls to come over. She hasnt called yet so shes still sleeping....what a way to live. Remember she stated she wanted my love and friendship so I'll give her that for now so she can see how wonderful her life can be. I am hoping that her spending 3 months with me or so can help her self realize things....if she doesnt then I will pull back and see her reaction. On a few occasions she has said are you sure you want to see me today (after a night of drinking and calls)...
Of course she has. She knows what she is doing. But today she is not willing to change that, is she? Tell her you will be there for her when she is willing, until then you can not and will not watch her self destruct. In my opinion, that is the best thing you can do for her. It will be a bottom of some sorts. Now whether it will be THE bottom it takes for her to get sober, is up to her.
I wish you the very best. Keep on talking and reaching out.
This is a wonderful place for support and people who have gone through what you are going through.