i hate to sound harsh, but she won't change no matter how much you try to help her. she will only change when or if she decides to change. sounds like she's into her addiction pretty deep. i was a lot like that. had very nice people who really cared try to help me...took advantage of them . i was very nice and fun to be around when sober (truly), but was manipulative and nitpicky - would make late night calls, etc when drinking wine alone at home. this can go on for years, decades. it's up to you - how long do you want to be on the sidelines, second to what she really cares about right now (wine)?