Originally Posted by
Freedom1990 
It's amazing the patterns we follow, the partners we pick later in life, isn't it?
After I left the EXAH, who was violent, beat me, and was also horribly abusive to me mentally/emotionally, I thought the problem was solved.
Little did I know I continued to make poor choices in companions, but always rationalized they were 'different' because they didn't beat me like EXAH did.
What can you do to make your life better, or is this acceptable to you-a period of 'good' followed by abuse like that?
Yes, it is amazing. Girls always say I want a man like my good ol dad. Except I always said Id never be in the spot my mother was in with my dad. I never said I wanted a man like my dad but dang if I didnt end up with one just like him except for the physical violence. But let me tell you, Id rather the beating anyday versus the verbal one anyday.
Well, I dont see what difference I can do right at this moment except to bow to his command just like my mom did and I have done for years. Ive taken it this long. He has custody of my kids. I leave they have to stay only outta spit on his part. Also I just dont have the resources to go with no money, car, job or place to live. They dont even have a shelter in my area. Ive looked before. The only friend that I had to help me move away is one that would do so for his own intrest in me that I want nothing to do with. Besides I hate to say this but I just dont know if Ive had enough abuse yet to walk away. I dont get normal. Ive never known normal. Everyone has problems. Are mine really that different? Im sorry but I am just being honest with myself. I really am not looking for sympathy or pity. I just want to know of a way to keep the peace. I wont be in my position forever. My kids will grow up, I will eventually get a job and that means money. This means a way out eventually when Ive had enough. Im not being beat on, just getting my feeling hurt.