This IOP is well "intense" :)
Well, after another screw-up last weekend (sorry), I started my program Monday night. I was apprehensive, but I really like it. I'm still not sure I can be successful, but I will give it my best shot. The therapist is super cool and I feel really comfortable with him and the one other person in my group (small group). We've discussed a lot of things like triggers and coping strategies. This is not 12 step based and is really pretty positive and uplifting.
The therapist is super supportive and my #1 assignment is to "suspend judgement." Last night we watched a movie on Family Recovery. The one thing that struck me is that Real is Hard. Yeah, this week has been real and hard, for some reason. I guess making the commitment and shelling out another couple of thousand dollars makes it so, but I am grateful I didn't go the insurance route, or I wouldn't be as invested as I am. It would be easier, somehow, to blow it off. Not sure why.
At any rate, I've stayed away from here out of embarrassment and shame over my behavior, but the truth is I really need all of you and your support. I don't go back to group until Monday, so I am on my own for three days. However, there is a SMART group both tomorrow and Sunday. I am going to make a list of things to do so my mind doesn't wander too much. So, thanks so much for your support.