So....here is something that I will probably be discussing with my therapist..however since this thread is here and ya all are nice folks with opinions that ya like to share...here is my brain on spirituality....
I did not grow up with religion. My dad said he believed in God, but we never went to church or anything...and when staying with my mom she would have me say my prayers at night but that's about the extent of it.
Fast forward, I was 20 when I became a baptized christian. I went to church 3 times a week, lived with a christian family for a while, had no booze no cigarettes and no sex for a year! Moved out on my own, continued going to church 3 times a week for about 2 and half years.
Well.....it didn't stick. I started questioning things here and there about whether my beliefs and those of the church were in line. They weren't. So I stopped going. It didn't bother me all that much at the time to make such an adjustment, I was happy in my life, things were going well, heck I even had a new boyfriend. Wooohooo
Fast forward....I have emotional conflict with my beliefs....I no longer consider myself to be a christian. I have over the years read about different religions and opinions about why we are here and all that jazz. One of the things I realized, for me, is that there is no way I can believe in a God that would allow certain things to happen as they do. I think that if anything I believe in natural law..mother nature..not as a being but a set of rules/laws. ( I dont know if this makes sense if ya have questions just ask... lol)
SO to get to the point of the post. This, in my belief, leaves humans to do as they will. It also means that when bad things happen and when good things happen, it could have a reason...and it may not have one. I do however think that most people are for the most part products of their environment and are born innocent.
I have emotional conflict with my beliefs..they cause me great stress and anxiousness. To not have reason for the things that happen in life... to not have a optimistic view of the eventual outcome is very distressing. This means that anything can happen, to anyone, with out any reason and that's it. Do not pass go..do not collect 200 dollars....do not have peace about how your life or the life of those you love will eventually turn out because alot of it is up to chance. This scares the crap out of me. It is what I believe though....I cant deny that for the comfort of convincing myself that there is some all powerful being out there making sure everything is all right. Because I can tell you its not from personal experience, everything is not all right.
Has anyone else ever dealt with this? How would you go about living if you were instilled with such fear? How could you find peace and meaning?
Thanks for reading... :ghug