hey Vic -
I was sorry to hear of your loss and I'm sorry to hear you're struggling.
You've been around tho - you know as well as I do trying to numb yourself to get over grief just doesn't cut it mate...and for an addict? using anything addictive is hurting ourselves - nothing is ''harmless''...it's always a big deal.
Be kind to yourself. Treat yourself well. None of us is too old to start doing that, Vic
You deserve it. We all do.
Grief counselling is a great idea - I hope you think about it.
take care
D