Hey Vic,
I can understand how you're feeling. I lost my only brother to cancer a few years back, and he was so young and suffered so much. I miss him in my life, too.
It takes time to sort it out, to go on and pick up our own lives and move forward. We each grieve in our own way and there's nothing wrong or right about any of it.
I'm so glad you took the time to post, as your reaching out is a positive gesture. From my experience, isolating keeps the prison walls up far longer than need be.
Please be kind to yourself and don't judge yourself so harshly, as I'm sure your sister would want to see you healthy and strong.
Keep reaching out, Vic. Sharing the burden helps lessen it.
I'm sorry for your loss.
Loving thoughts to you,
:ghug3
Donna