I don't understand why we do it, but I'm so thankful you're talking it out, firestorm. We teeter on the brink of destruction, then when we have our lives back and everything's going well - drinking thoughts creep into our heads. It's as if I somehow want to sabotage myself & my sobriety, but that's crazy talk. I don't get why we'd want to try and improve on the way we're feeling by adding alcohol to the mix. Things are finally stable for us - why isn't that always enough? It usually is for me - still, there are those days.