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04-04-2009, 12:08 PM

# 3 (permalink)

CrackQuack

Member

Join Date: Mar 2009

Location: Dayton, OH.

Posts: 879

I read your post a couple of times to try to understand it better and maybe offer you some insight from my perspective and experience. I don't know if your step 4 is similar to mine, but I'll try.

You say your life is great except for the alcohol. Yet you haven't stopped drinking, totally. You should write about that. Alcohol, right now, seems to be your HP. And I agree, that would be a great place to start writing your step 4 on. It seems to have some depth of control over you.
Have you ever sold anything to get alcohol? Done without something to get alcohol? Stolen to get alcohol? How about missing payments/bills in order to get it? And definitely think about writing what it does to your relationships, in the end.
I know, in the NA, we're supposed to write about all aspects of our lives, when doing the steps, but my sponsor gave me some sound advice when she gave me a step guide and told me what to do. She said, if you have to write about the drugs, your first time working the steps, then do it. It can be about everything else later, when you go through them again. She said to try to include other aspects of my life, but not to fret over it as we're not going to see all the wrongs/rights/ in betweens/faults/desires/so on and so forth the first time through.
I guess I was lucky, on the other end, because seeing my resentments and fears, and my guilty conscience is what woke me up to make the effort to stop smoking crack. I still harbor a great deal of regret (things I didn't do that I should have, time wasted, etc.) and resentment (towards the man who first handed me the crack pipe, sometimes to the point that I "forget" I said yes and took it and used), guilt and shame for what I've done (stolen, lied, cheated, ran credit cards into the ground, sold things, etc.).
It's a long road, and can be hard sometimes, but remember it's a journey, not a destination. Don't sweat your steps as there are NO WRONG answers. Maybe finding another sponsor would be beneficial for you? I don't know. It's up to you. Take one day at a time, concentrate on your recovery, and remember, easy does it (my shameless quotation of NA literature for the day! LOL).
I know you can do it. Coming here is a big step too, and keep us posted on how things are going for you. I know, as an addict, I love to be here and find all the information I can, online and especially here at SR. It's nice to be around our own. People who understand and are trying too.