xym297

Hi

Been sober for 6 weeks, with a couple of slips so not quite sober. Been working the steps and come to step 4.

1,2 and 3 are OK, but 4, I have no resentment, I have no major fear, the only sex I have had has been in loving relationships that the booze screwed in the end.

So I convince myself I have no inventory, I can't quit on my own so I need my HP, I need to work the program but I cannot do a step 4, not scared of it, I just don't have lots of crap, my life is great except I drink too much. I tell myself well your just a lucky alcoholic move on, but step 4 seems to me to be about what makes you drink, and I drink because I like how it makes me feel not because I don't like how I feel without it.

I wish I had resentment, fear and sexual regret, it would make it easier.

So can you do step 4 with an empty page? Sure things annoy me and make me angry but I deal with that, I don't drink because of that. Sure I have fear of stuff, but I don't drink because of that.

I need to be a sober member of AA but if I don't fit the 12 steps I feel I am screwed will need to find another way to stay sober and I love the AA message.

My sponsor doesn't get it he was abused as a child and has various issues, he is a good sponsor to me but too different I guess, we will part company at some point but was pleased to have someone there for me in the beginning and he will always remain my friend

Anyone else been the same and got to step 6 I guess.

Thanks
xym