My son has been missing for close to 5 years and people say "why don't you look for him?" My response (knowing he is lost in his addiction) is..."and if I find him, then what?" If he is clean, he knows how to find us.
I tried for years to save him. I thought if we gave him a safe loving home, nourishing food and lots of love, it might save him. I learned that all the love in the world cannot save them if they aren't ready. If it could, not one of us would be here.
It took many cycles of throwing him out and then letting him back, and each time turning our house into chaos and watching him steal endlessly from us, for us to finally say "enough".
Today I say a prayer each morning, asking God to take care of him, and then I live my day in peace and happiness, knowing he is in good hands.
If you and your husband have not yet been to an Alanon, Naranon or CoDA meeting, please give whatever is close to you a try. You have nothing to lose and your whole life to gain. I know because live meetings saved my life...literally.
Hugs