I spent most of my teens and early twenties trying to force myself to believe Christianity is where it's at. No dice. And even worse than trying to believe what the Bible says was trying to believe what some Christians told me.
I'm your standard-issue straight, white, suburban twenty-something. But... to be molded into something you aren't is never a comfortable or peaceful situation. Keep posting, because you've posted things I've thought and decided I wasn't brave enough to post.