I know I'm missing a sensible answer here: you know when you're so deep in that only crazy answers occur to you.
I started posting this on spiked's thread but it became way more about my situation, so I thought I'd start afresh.
I've thought about (and looked into) a breathalizer recently because I don't trust my AH at all when it comes to his drinking, mainly because he has always lied about it. We are going to live seperatly from next month, I can't deal with living with himand the alcohol, and the relationship, and worst who I have become through all of this anymore. I don't hold out much hope for the relationship at all, but we'll see.
We have 2 children together, and as he insists that he is trying (to cut down, not stop) and I have told him I won't let him have the kids if he is drunk or has been drinking, and I just need a way to be sure about that, I am sure that every time I suspect it I am right, but in this situation I wouldn't want to risk missing one.
but, you know, how soul-destroying is that?: I have no desire to police someone elses drinking, or anything really. I really don't want to have to manage a grown man's behaviour. I just want to cry with the misery of that. But I'm not sure how I am ever going to trust that he isn't drinking: even if he isn't. I want the stupid sod to just step up and be a father that the kids can be left with.
this situation isn't going away, he loves them, they love him
