Old 03-26-2009, 06:23 PM
  # 154 (permalink)  
gneiss
Never settle.
 
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Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Under immense pressure
Posts: 1,505
Originally Posted by gneiss View Post
2-and-a-half weeks along.
I looked at my calendar wrong. Make that 3 weeks. A full 21 days today. I don't keep track of how many days. It does not especially help me to focus on how long it has been since I took drugs. It just makes me think, "Man, it's been a while... a long while... I'd really like some dope right now." So instead of inspiring me, it sorta pulls me back down. I think my brain might be wired strangely.

Plus, even though I still don't want meth or alcohol I realized I'm still probably not free of it. Obviously, right? I was 8 weeks along when I had my evening of fun with dope and the police 3 weeks ago. And I realized this when I re-read my post just now:

Originally Posted by gneiss View Post
Last time I hit the 2-and-a-half week mark I was crying nonstop because I wanted more and it was torture.
Truth told I spent about 3 hours BAWLING yesterday. I really don't want more dope but ever since breaking up with my bf, which was about a week after my relapse, I've had some pretty rough days. Every time I have cleaned up I get insanely emotional for weeks. I didn't expect it this time. It was one night of stupidity, but emotionally it does not seem to matter, I have these insane ups and downs just like I did every other time. The good news is that I see it now and knowing it's the meth talking helps me realize I'm not crazy (I'm just a little unwell, as the song goes. Am I the only one who finds strange meanings in songs post-addiction?)
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