Thanks for all the support guys. It makes me feel a little better knowing that I wasn't the only one getting this look so therefor it must not have came from something I did or from what my mom actually thought about me, but other than that I am sorry that others have experienced this. My mom did get sober a few times for a few years but always went back, the last time I sort of knew that there wasn't a "coming back". I felt like she had resigned herself to the addiction, she didn't want to fight it anymore. Whats scary is I sort of understand. I am not there with my addiction but I can see how someone could get there. In some ways I understand because I have my own addiction but then there is the feeling like a little girl that just wants to be accepted and loved by her mother. Deep down I know obviously that because I was her child that she loved me but that is different than being shown. There were times when I felt it, periodically throughout my life but that's really not enough. Its hard being an adult and trying to sort through this stuff because when it comes to this stuff I don't FEEL like an adult I FEEL like I am 9 or 12 or younger. I guess the good thing is that for the most part I can tell when I am reacting to mom stuff in adult life situations. Sometimes I cant tell till later but at least I know part of why I do what I do.