Yes it is a lose-lose. Mainly because that's when we lose ourselves! I'm working on this now too, so I won't even try to sound like I have all the answers! lol At times I've had to stop myself from doing and thought "If I don't do this what's the worse that can happen?" Most of the time the worst is that *somebody else* doesn't get their way, very seldom is it imperative that we do what is being asked of us!
I'm learning to say No and yes it's very hard. I have such a need to please others I often forget about myself. Not healthy! Let's think of it this way, what are we teaching our Kids if they see us pushing ourselves to the back burner all the time? They will eventually do the same thing to themselves and continue to repeat this pattern. We have to find a better way...