Originally Posted by
Mariposa18 
Sister~ This post worries me. First of all toss the rest of those sleeping pills immediately, Please! You don't need me to tell you what a disaster waiting to happen pills can be.
Okay, you say you are the one everybody turns to and the one who takes care of everybody. Well Hon, you need to take care of yourself! I understand it's hard to do specially when we are in "self-destruct" mode. I know I get in moods where I feel that I'm always there for everybody else but nobody is ever there for me. Times when I take care of my Husband and Children and forget about myself. Those are the times when I'm most miserable.
I feel like there are two parts of me, arguing. There's the part that just wants to say F it all and give in, and there's the part that screams, "Snap out of it! What are you doing? This is crazy and you know it. Shape up!" I know I haven't completely lost my marbles because even when I'm loopy and out of it that rational part of my brain speaks up.
I DO feel like I'm in self-destruct mode. I'm isolating, both here and in real life. I've lost my passion for a lot of things I used to enjoy in life.
Do you have any idea what it is you want to escape? Question, and I hope it doesn't sound f*cked up when I ask it. Do you think you want to do this to finally have someone worry and take care of you the way you do for them? Does that question make sense?
Maybe in some sick way, on some childish level, that is what I want. I don't know. I'm just tired of having to do EVERYTHING for EVERYONE.
My husband is a gem to me and he loves me like crazy, but he's kind of a wishy-washy wimp about life in general. He complains A LOT and is never willing to take any action about whatever he's complaining about. A lot of times I wish I could just tell him to grow a pair and be a man.
Now it sounds like I'm just making excuses. I don't know how to get my point across properly. I'm sorry.