I don't disagree with you Freedom. He can't help it may be better. Or just leave it at he's making bad choices. But then that ever pressing WHY comes out...
Hard to know what to say... especially at 7 in the morning when your 3 year old wakes you up with tough questions.
Consistency and honestly are key. Letting the child know that he is loved by both parents and that he didn't do anything wrong to cause the addict-parent to leave or act badly is key.
My son's dad DOES know better. He's been in and out of jail and rehab enough times to learn that using drugs is a bad choice. But he can't seem to help it - he always ends up back on drugs because he's no willing to commit to life long recovery.
However, I don't want my son to use "I can't help it mama" as an excuse for poor choices. Sometimes I think he heads in that direction. I hate the words "I CAN'T". He says it all the time. I respond with "try harder" but that doesn't work with his dad. His dad doesn't know how to "try harder". He just doesn't have it in him I guess... He never learned.