If you do go to meetings is there anyway your son would go with you? He is pretty much showing classic codie signs himself. I know that you're angry but try to not let that anger be against him too much because he could learn so much from you if he's willing.
Rozied could you be angry because you finally got tough and dealt with the situation with your AS and now someone else is trying to pull you back into their circle of addiction? It almost sounds like when a trigger makes the addict want to use - she's triggering all those old feelings and you dont want to do it again. in that regard its good that your angry and saying no more. not to mention now your seeing your son make the same mistakes and there's nothing you can do about it. that's brings up the feelings of being out of control of a situation - which is hard on all of us. I can only imagine what i would feel like if my daughter had a relationship with an addict - in fact i think it would be exactly how you feel right now - anger.
There is nothing you can do about the Ex.
There is nothing you can do about what any of your children do.
It is not your problem unless you make it your problem.
Right now you are making it your problem.
You have to detach from their lives, their choices, and their consequences.