Ago

My mother and sister also share this dynamic, and have off and on for many years.

My mother would repeatedly "rescue" my sister, often times using me as the the "savior"

I have put my sister up in my house while I stayed in a fleabag hotel when she was "trying" to quit Heroin

I drove to Mexico to get my sister when she was 8.999 months pregnant

I have split payments for multiple rehabs for her with my mother...

anyhow, I could make a laundry list, the "rescues" span well over twenty years, but that's off topic, anyhow, a few years ago I ended up moving to take over the family business because my mother was working 100 hours a week supporting my sister and her daughter, it was literally "killing" her, her wrists and ankles looked like skinny little pencils, she looked so very tired....

It took me some time, but ultimately I realized that these two people are involved in a symbiotic relationship that is literally killing both of them.

My sister has since relapsed on Opiates, and my mother is still caretaking her. My mother's enabling of my sister has a great deal to do with why my sister has kept relapsing over the last twenty years.

These two people are literally murdering each other, they call it "love".

Trying to step in and help them literally nearly cost me my sanity.

It did end up costing me my business, my home, my sobriety, my relationship of that time, and well over three and a half years of my life, including having to rebuild my life from the ground up, starting with couch surfing and job hunting and borrowing money to live.

I am still rebuilding my life today, having to start over in a field where I once owned my own business, and move to new area to get away from them.

Your situation may be different then mine, but I have learned to stay out of family dynamics, including mine, kind of like staying out of domestic disputes (which Police say are statistically incredibly dangerous)

I can't pull them up, but they can dam sure pull me down.

This especially includes my own family, there is a reason in 12 step programs it's strongly advised you don't sponsor friends or family, too much interaction prohibits objective thinking.

To sum up:

I am in exactly the same situation and I stay well away from these people. They are harmful and Ill.

I love them, and they are my family, but I can't help people who insist on remaining in unhealthy dynamics, and somehow I get sucked back in to their drama and unhealthy dynamics.

The truth is, after my last experience, I now view those people as extremely dangerous to me and have cut off all contact completely in order not to be sucked back into their drama, I don't even allow them to know where I live.

They are harmful to me.

This is only my experience, it may not apply to you.