what catlover said is true. your "help" is not her solution.
i have witnessed codependents stay married to addicts for years, as the family gets sicker and sicker and the children suffer terrible psychological damage....and you know what finally made the codependent spouse leave? finally made the codependent do what needed doing all along?
the A having an affair.
it wasn't about protecting the children. it was about being angry about being cheated on.
don't be that guy.
do what is right for your children. you are putting the A wife ahead of them in your priorities. and if you wait until she has an affair to finally leave her, you are putting you first.
what's best for your children NOW? being sickened by a passed out mom on the couch? and what decimating remarks did she make to them before she finally passed out?
you can do what's right. you'd be amazed how things start working out once you do.