She still refuses to attend AA meetings as she feels they are useless and the people there can't relate to her struggles.
The classic "I'm unique" alcoholic/addict excuse. We've ALL heard it.
I'm sorry Zak, I can hear your pain. The only thing I can relay is that it does get easier, and that living without the insanity and the impending doom an alcoholic brings into our lives is like ...well, it's like a bit of heaven here on earth.
You deserve that Zak, and your children do also. If it helps, think of things as temporary - that when she finally realizes that she is in no way unique and gets help you all can be a whole family again. There certainly is a possibility of this happening.