Thank you for being so encouraging! I did bring it up with one of my friends and she said she was just taken aback because she had been wanting to go and took it personally that "I didn't want to take her." She does not have a car, which makes this more tricky. I explained it to her and I also said it will happen more often because I need these getaways. It was not about not wanting to take her, but wanting to take only me (big difference). That one day was so wonderful because being at the beach makes me so happy and who knows how much longer I will be this close to a beach and in this warm weather.
I live in an environment that is very competitive with lots of backstabbing and I am trying to remove myself from that emotionally. I used to be competitive, but now I feel very secure in my work and don't feel like I have anything to prove to people other than my professors. But there is still a constant negative energy, which is why I need my alone times even more than usual because when I hang out with people, we always end up talking about our work or put down people and what not. I wish I could say I didn't participate, but I did and I want to change that.
It is really a learning process to carve out my little niche and even more to protect it from negative energy (I am all about energy, can you tell
).
I am in awe of all of you who detached from situations with addicts and others that were so difficult to detangle. That is really an inspiration! :ghug3