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Old 03-12-2009, 02:30 PM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Kimmieh
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 517
Thank you all!

readyforhelp, I did make the decision to do something fun to end a fun day. And I took care of my horrible sunburn.

Barbara,
A healthy response from them would have been something along the lines of "We will miss you but have a great time at the beach."
I would have really liked that. One apologized for the email (which I can appreciate), others are giving me the silent treatment and I am refusing to care. I am lucky to have friends that want the best for me just like I want the best for them, so I know that the above is what they would have told me. It is a hard process moving from having to be liked by everybody to consciously doing things that will turn people against me. I am getting better!

appleblaster, YES, I also realized that I let people have these expectations of me. When I get bothered by their problems with me saying no, I have to remind myself that I have always fulfilled their expectations before and I WANTED to be the one liked and appreciated because I didn't realize that I should be liked and appreciated for who I am, INCLUDING for what I do to make myself healthy and happy. The good friends I mentioned above have taught me much of that because they love me the way I am.

GiveLove, I have to admit to myself that in my best enabling days, I was very passive aggressive and through recovery, I have become more direct with people. My ABF and I have always teased each other when we became passive aggressive and that has helped, too, because we pointed it out to each other and developed ways to be more direct. But I know people who are passive aggressive about everything and it's awful because I cannot trust my judgment anymore. Just recently I told a friend that his passive aggressive ways drive me nuts. His response was a passive aggressive status update on Facebook! LOL.

:ghug
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