Thanks everyone for your posts on this, your reactions have truly shown me, once again, that I have done the right thing, you know then you guess, then you know again, then you guess, know what I mean? I realize he does not acknowledge that his problem has completely screwed up many areas of our lives, and I have been the one who picks up the pieces and re-weaves the threads left over trying to make a blanket. Finances are a big part of why I stayed for a long time too, so the homes we were going to buy part got me too, because I know I am giving up a lot financially. I don't know how to examine this thing like you guys have, so I am learning from you on this. I just appreciate so much that you all are here to help those of us who are new in recovery. It is really hard to say no to him, but he says no to me and my needs and always has. Anyway, I could go on feeling sorry for myself but I give up- I have anew saying you all might like- "I feel like I was trying to pull a pig out of the mud for 15 years, and no matter how I tried, he wouldn't budge, and spots of mud kept getting thrown up on to me. I finally give up, I'm gonna let that pig wallow in the mud with all the other pigs. I couldn't change him from a pig anyway, he'll always be one. Now if I can just get these spots of mud off of myself!"
I hope you enjoy it like I do. I like it because it shows how I was trying to change him, against his own will, and he can't come out of the mud until he wants to, and how my life was being affected by the habits (mud) and even still being ffected by the habits (mud) leaving heir spots on meeven after I gave up pulling out the pig. Anyway I think it fits for me. Have a great day y'all!