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Old 03-12-2009, 05:31 AM
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Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Eastern Time Zone
Posts: 1,011
what are some subtle forms of enabling

At a family/friend meeting a couple of weeks ago, a recovering addict told us that when our addicted loved one becomes homeless and we let them store their stuff at our place, we are enabling them because their addict logic tells them that they really are not homeless, that where their "stuff" is is where they hang their hat and is their home, and that where their stuff is they have an ownership stake in. In my case, AS has his stuff in my basement, and now he just shows up unannounced, would just walk in if the door were unlocked, and proceeds to the basement with nary an explanation and goes through his stuff. He might take some out, he might not. Now, i've put a time limit of this stuff being here and i will enforce it. But i've already enabled him by allowing it here in the first place - the opportunity has already been missed for him to experience the consequences of becoming homeless, and I regret having contributed to his denial. But i've learned...

A poster last week said, "When you give an alcoholic a ride, you extend their drinking." That's a pretty small thing compared to the "biggies."

Okay - so we all know the biggies of enabling - letting them stay rent-free, paying their fines, bailing them out of jail, etc.etc.etc.

What are some of the more subtler ways of enabling that you have come across? I ask this for my own education...
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