Re: counseling
Hmmm...I'm going to give you a different perspective.
My husband and I went on a whirlwind tour of marriage counselors last year, and I found that they were all very different, and some of them were unhelpful to the point of being incompetent.
Have you ever been to counseling before? Do you have a sense of what you want from the counselor?
By the end of our experience I learned that I needed to interview the counselor before making an appointment.
Do you want someone who plans to explore lots of why you are who you are? Or do you want someone who helps you understand what your options are for the future? Or do you want someone who's just empathetic and lends a good ear?
Eventually I found someone we both liked, but she ended up being not very well versed in substance abuse issues.
I specifically asked her what her methods are, what her philosphy is, how long most clients see her, and what kinds of assignments she expected us to do between sessions.
Just my experience. Good luck.
And have you tried multiple Al-anon meetings? They all have different feels.
I hope you find what works for you.