Thank You!
Hello all,
I have been lurking for almost 2 years, never had the nerve to post. I wanted to thank all of you that DO post. I have learned so much and sat here and cried (laughed sometimes too) with you all. It seems I always find a post relating to what I am going through at any particular moment. Please keep posting!
My story is no different than anyone else's here. I'm the codie (working on it) and he's the alcoholic. He is 4 months sober now, but not working a program. I hoping to get some feedback on my current situation. I have gone to a few mtgs, reading alot, I even met with my pastor a few times to help me with MY growth and recovery and I've noticed that the stronger (hopefully healthier) I get, the further I drift apart from my AH. We are living like roomates, not much conversation other than the typical "how was your day", "fine, yours?". Physical intimacy is sparce and emotional intimacy is non-existant. I guess my question is do you think it was always like this and now I'm actually seeing it (getting away from my codie tendencies) or did we just grow apart or what. Is this as good as it gets in life? Does happily ever after really exist? Do I just have the grass is greener syndrome? I'm just confused... if he beat me or yelled at me or (fill in the blank) I wouldn't have a problem leaving, but he doesn't do the "bad" things, but he doesn't do the "good" things either (or does that only happen in the movies?) I can tell myself I don't have it so bad, a roof over my head, food in the fridge, he doesn't beat me...people have it alot worse, but do people have it alot better too?
I once heard that the opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference. If you hated you'd still care. I feel that we are both indifferent, I don't hate him, but I don't think I'm still in love and I think he cares about the dogs more than me (he talks to them more, hugs and pets them more too). Do I leave a so-so marriage for the dream of a life that may not even exist?