Can't decide - Is he using again!
I think my husband is using again. I hate thinking this, and I think I keep trying to convince myself he's not. He says he's not, but I know the lies!
Why I think he's using: He doesn't eat much. He's lost weight, especially in the face. When he first came home from inpatient treatment in early November, his face was full, rounded. He looked good. This look has faded away.
He doesn't really do anything. He lays in bed most of the time watching TV. He complains his shoulder bothers him (from an old injury from the service years ago, and he receives a small 10% disability for). He lays in bed with the heating pad on his shoulder. Sometimes I feel like he just uses this as an excuse, so he can be laying in bed doing nothing.
He goes to meetings, 4-5 a week, has a sponsor, but doesn't really seem to be working a program. He really isn't working very much on his steps.
He sleeps, but always complains that he didn't sleep well. He has been taking sleeping pills, prescribed by the doctors when he was in treatment, and he also takes anti-depressants prescribed while in treatment. Sometimes I feel like these help him sleep rather than being up, and mask his using.
There was always a funny smell to him when I know he was using, and I swear I am smelling it again.
He still seem very depressed, unmotivated, and just plain empty.
Why I convince myself he's not using:
He has no money, and no access to any, at least not from me. He gives my his entire paycheck.
He doesn't go anywhere except to work and meetings. (However, I have wondered if he is really going to meetings at times).
He doesn't really act like he did when I knew he was using for sure, like staying up for days, going from happy and uppity for a day or two, then crashing. I never see the happy uppity part.
He doesn't get angry or blow up. He did once a few weeks ago, and it was not something that should have made him act like he did. (daughter called from school and wanted someone to bring her a motrin because her arm hurt from injuring it at dance the night before)
Any way I am very confused, and I am sure I'm in denial. I am also running out of time to finish this, so I guess I'll just leave it here.
BTW, his DOC is meth!
I know there are recovering addicts here as well, and I really would like to here from you.
Thanks, I need advice, or just a swift kick in the a$$!!