Did you join AA while I wasn't looking TSH?
If not, I figure an amends is whatever you want it to mean.
I like Fubar's take on this a lot
I would say that the only reason to rehash a past situation is if there is some kind of benifit to the wounded party. If you think that another more heartfelt apology will make them feel better go ahead but if it will just bring up past pain to them and make it worse then don't.
After having decided that it is time to forgive yourself and let it go.
Sounds to me like its the last bit that you're mostly struggling with.
If you've made an apology already, I'd look carefully at another one. If you're apologising more fully and honestly I get it...as long as it meets Fubars criteria...cool.
If you're kinda apologising for being alcoholic tho, that's fairly useless guilt territory IMO.
I'm not giving you a hard time.
I found, and still find, forgiving myself impossibly hard too.
I've made all the apologies I think I can...beyond that I try to atone for my past actions
by simply doing right - not merely to the people I've wronged but the world at large.
I try not to do the same kinds of things again (which is easier to do if I'm sober but I can still miss my mark at times)....
and I draw a line in the sand with the things I can't change or influence, because worrying about things like that is wasted energy that I'm better off putting into the universal atonement thing
that's how I see it. But I do have migraine LOL
D