Hi Everyone,
I just joined this site today. I have been online in search of some type of support for myself. About a month ago, my partner, 23 years old (I am 33) had come home telling me that she needed to talk to me. She proceeded to tell me that she has been addicted to Opiates...vic, percs and OC. I knew she had a history with drugs because she had told me about a month into our relationship. But at that time had told me she had been clean for almost 2 years and her use of drugs was all in the past. She had started using at a very young age...she was in rehab in 8th grade. And then I find out differently a month ago. Which in my mind has made me think our relationship has been a lie for the last 8 months. We talked the entire weekend and she was very open and honest about her habits and the things she was doing to support her addiction. She had started the suboxone treatment last February and according to her was doing very well. Then she lost her insurance and it become hard to afford. We started seeing each other in July. At that time, she was using Suboxone as well as Opiates. And as time went on, it turned into using the Opiates more and more. Everyday to be exact, unless she couldn't afford it then she would take the suboxone to get back and not go through withdraw. That Monday after she had told me, she had scheduled an appointment to start on the suboxone treatment. She has been on this every since. But it has been very hard for me to find the trust in her to believe the things she is telling me. I second guess everything and feel like I am going crazy half the time. I'm constantly looking at her behaviors, her physical appearance and searching through everything to determine if she may be using. I just don't know how to stop my mind from constantly thinking she is going to go back to the drugs. I try very hard to be positive and supportive on the steps that she has taken to get clean but again, my trust is just not there. I've started therapy myself about 2 weeks ago just so I can try to gain a handle on my life and my emotions with going through this with her. She saw a psychiatrist about a week ago and he prescribed her Celexa for what he is diagnosing as a mood disorder. But she has yet to go to any type of actual therapy or group programs. And everything I've read about addiction and the Suboxone treatment states that Therapy is the most important thing to living a sober life and determining what caused the person to start using to begin with.
I do love her but I keep thinking is all of this worth going through. Especially after reading a lot of the stories on this site.....I don't want to lose myself through all of this...emotionally and financially. I just don't know what the right decisions are for myself at this time.
Any advice anyone can give or support would be very appreciated.
Thanks
