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Old 03-04-2009, 07:00 AM
  # 24 (permalink)  
Josette
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 29
I know God doesnt want us to feel miserable, thats a choice we as individuals make.

I was talking more along the lines of :

Perhaps I met him and kept my eyes closed to what was going on around me because I wasn't ready to see yet?

He was my safe place.

He was my shelter from reality.

He isn't perfect and neither am I so I felt safe that I could be myself and not be judged for my imperfections and in return I would not judge him for his.

I met him in them midst of an ugly divorce. My xH was captured by aliens of another kind. Mid Life Crisis. I never knew what hit me until I educated myself on that.....but he had already done the damage to me. But thats another story....

My abf never took me to hell. Like I said before, he is not that bad of a guy to me and yes, I hate to put that down in words simply because it looks as if I am justifying him and I'm not, I'm just trying to put together some pieces of the puzzle I was missing from keeping my head buried in the sand.

It's hard for me to explain in words.....but he doesn't fit the typical crackhead scenario, at least not that i've been privvy to see for the last 3 years. Don't get me wrong, he does fit alot of it, but not the darker parts. Perhaps prior to my meeting him when he was at a lower point in life yes, but not now.

There are two things I can make a positive statement about.

I am definately a Co-Dependant person.

I read the sticky about that and wanted to cry. How in the world did I let this happen to me? I already know that answer...it was the divorce, but whatever it was, I can see me in everything that was written about a co-dependant person.

First thing I have to do is work on me and getting off that CD train. Ugh. That alone will help me with dealing with the abf.

Not sure as of yet how to go about seeking help on co-dependancy, perhaps Individual Counseling?? Read read read on it and of course I am going to print up all the steps involved.

My son 27, thinks I am the strongest woman he has ever met. If only he knew how far down mentally I have sunk, how much I long for someone to help me vs me doing everything seemingly alone.

The other thing I can say a big definate oh hell yes to...

King Baby Syndrome.

My adf has perfected the King Baby Syndrome to a T and now it all makes sense. All those questions I had in my head....hell, all the ones I would ask or say to him.....like, ohmyGod your the biggest baby i've ever seen, or your such a mama's boy, or how can you be so selfish when you know your mom is doing everything she can......I SEE IT! and what a hypchondriac!! His mother is a LPN and one would THINK she could see the signs....love is blind.

My enabling of him wasn't quite like that. I have never paid for anything fully. We split dinners/groceries/gas/activites. When he acts childish I usually walk away and ignore him. I thought it was just him being well....a man? SOORY GUYS! and you know what......I was being selfish also because I enjoyed doing things with him, so perhaps I would overlook the shortcomings to also get my way and have someone whom I liked spending time with.

I am still processing this all so bare with me and please don't be offended at what I say......I talk things out like this.

Wow, I am still floored at the Co-Dependant article...

and King Baby just sent me a picture text of himself.....all smiling and going to work. :wtf2

I'm really going to have to tape my fingers closed so I don't send him a text back saying King Baby Syndrome. I know he will understand exactly what it means and then he will know that I am powering myself up with knowledge concerning him.

So quiet I will be and work on myself I shall do.
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