Well...I bought a bottle last night. I haven't cracked it open, though. It's sitting there...
I feel so mixed up...I wanted to buy it so I bought it. I felt better after I bought it...relieved, actually....like it's a safety net (I know, one with holes big enough to fall through).
I don't know why I'm telling anyone this...I thought about disappearing from SR for a while...but I've done that before.
It's funny...I had a really calm talk with my mom last night about it. I didn't hide the bottle from her at all...she asked me if I was going to drink the whole thing tonight. I told her no...in fact I probably wasn't going to touch it that night (and I didn't). I told her about seeing the beer all the time in the house and honestly how hard it is to abstain when everyone else around here is still drinking. I also told her I don't expect her to change her ways...it's her house and she's an adult...and I also said I don't expect anyone here to understand...and that's just the way it is. I also said that I believe that I need to find a way to save enough money so that I can move out.
Compared to where I was before--in a town where the booze and beer practically flowed down the streets...I'm at a good place.
It's safer here, but it's not safe enough.
I know it's time for me to move on...there's this pesky thing called money that's getting in the way.