Oh wow, I can relate to this.
I really understand a lot of what you just said. My husband is gone about 60% or more of the time with work. For me, this was absolutely a free for all time. He would leave and I would go straight to the liquor store and stock up and I mean stock up. I wouldn't leave the house and I would drink 24/7.
I missed him while he was gone but the crazy part of me was like yay, free for all time. Zero accountability.
He just got back from his first 3 weeks being gone since I have gotten sober and I was really scared I was going to drink while he was gone especially since we couldn't speak the entire three weeks and it was a very stressful three weeks but I made it.
I am here if you ever want to to chat. Stay strong this weekend and do whatever it takes to stay sober.
Good suggestion on the Twilight Books, Mariposa. They are YA Books but I loved them and they were a great distraction. I read them when we were moving and when my Mom came to visit she read them all when she was here. When you go to buy them they seem huge but they are a really quick read and a nice little story to get wrapped up into.