Upset stomach: sick or subsconcious?
I feel crummy tonight. I've felt "not quite right" for about 2 days now, but tonight it's different. Worse. My stomach is upset and in knots. It's really unappealing.
Both of my kids are sick, and have been for a while, so it's completely possible I'm getting what they've got. But they don't have any stomach issues... it's all upper-respiratory crud.
I've been in a mental funk for a few days. I debated posting about it but decided I didn't need to host another pity party so I've just been reading and trying to figure it out on my own. It's getting worse instead of better.
Tomorrow my husband leaves town until Monday. This is his last trip for graduate school (he graduates in early May). In the past, his weekend school trips were my free-for-all times. I didn't have to worry about hiding anything, I didn't have to worry about pretending, I could drink openly and outrageously and not worry about who was watching me. (Of course I rationalized that the kids didn't count... let's not go there right now.) I think it's in the back of my mind somewhere that this is my "last chance" to do that again. I think that subconscious thought is making me physically ill.
I'm so tired of feeling abnormal. I'm so tired of having this crap constantly on my mind. And now, almost 5 months in, here I am entertaining (??) the wild notions of the past, romanticizing the memories of drinking and re-building the hope that one day my problem will be "fixed".
:wtf2