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Old 02-22-2009, 07:36 PM
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In a Tailspin
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Join Date: May 2007
Location: Western WA
Posts: 132
A good end to my relationship......

So it's been a while since I updated.......I believe the last thread I wrote was early January-ish. I had been getting more and more furstrated with my abf and had ended the relationship. Problem is, he has always been so good at "convincing" me that we can "make it work". And, while he lives with me in a home I (and I alone) own, he knows the laws re: real estate. Things like how I have to give him 30 days notice to evict.......even though he's not paying rent, etc. So over the next several days he worked his magic and talked me back in.......again.

This time is different. I guess you could say it's the break-up I had been hoping for. I got back from a trip and, yet again, it seemed that every conversation we tried to have degenerated into and argument. It was so exhausting. He's not currently using pills, but is smoking pot and is NOT working a program. I have been regularly going to alanon meetings and working on getting myself healthy. He has broken my trust so many times, that any little sign that he wasn't be 100% honest with me about something as small as which video store he went to led me to go into full-on suspicion and fear mode.

Last Monday night I finally said to him that I was becoming more and more convinced that I couldn't get healthy with him and he couldn't get healthy with me. That was so hard to say......after three years together in what had started as a great relationship where he was not only my lover, buy also my best friend and biggest cheerleader. We spent a couple days having "delicate" conversations and he actually agreed with my assessment this last Thursday. I'm so grateful that we were able to end the relationship in a way that we're not out to get and hurt the other one. We both feel that we need lots of distance from each other for a while.........but are hopeful that, in time, we will be able to salvage our friendship out of the wreckage of this relationship.

It's still pretty emotionally raw, but I must say that I feel good about it. I took the encouragement from my alanon peeps to "sit with it" and "don't force it". I could've (and some may say should've) forced the end months ago, but it would've been so ugly and so much drama. I simply don't need that. I am so drained from all this.........I'm glad to have a little bit of peace in the end.

Thanks for listening to my ramblings............I'm slowly purging all these pent-up emotions and I appreciate SR and all the great people here for giving me a place to do just that!!
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