Thread: Why Do I Stay?
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Old 04-26-2004, 09:11 AM
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prodigal
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Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Keepin' my side of the litterbox clean
Posts: 2,136
Re: Why Do I Stay?

I can relate to one of the comments Elaine made: yes, I stay because I'm 50, don't want to go through the dating scene again (yuck!). Financially I'd be living in some crummy, roach-infested apartment again and throwing my money away on rent. My husband made some big sacrifices (two tours of duty in Kosovo, one recent tour in Kuwait/Iraq/Pakistan), but they paid off because we have a very nice home, thanks to being able to afford an interior decorator and paying cash for all the furniture, wallpaper, etc. I could certainly never afford to live in this style.

Do I sound like a materialistic snob? Sure do. On the other hand, I don't want to turn around when I'm 75 and be living on welfare with no health insurance! That may be a cold-blooded but the facts are my AH makes a decent living and I can sleep on the basement sofa and it doesn't bother him all that much.

Do I have deep-seated insecurities about myself that have made me cling to abusive, addicted, emotionally unavailable men my entire adult life? Absolutely! Having grown up in a home where neither of my parents were available emotionally at all, other than to tell me what a piece of crap I was, I just kept living down to their expectations after I left home. I know that, but I'm still living with my victim mentality.

Do I see light at the end of the tunnel that isn't a train? Yes I do, and for the first time in my life I realize that working the Al-Anon program, posting here, and reading what so many others are going through coping with an alcoholic in their life will enable me to life a more fulfilling, peaceful life.
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