I handled it badly.
Hi everyone,
Well valentines day was a bust. During the day he offered some thoughts on his recovery. He said that he doesn't like his group, that he thinks the members are all worse off than he is so he doesn't feel like he belongs. Said he'd try another group. Then he said that although he understands it may not happen, he holds out hope he can one day be a 'normal' drinker. This stuff bothered me but I said nothing and let it be his own. Well fast forward to the evening where I didn't handle it so well.
He'd made reservations and invited me out to dinner. As we were looking over the menu he asked if I was going to have a glass of wine, then said he wouldn't mind one with dinner. I just looked at him sharply, and he said something about it being 6 weeks with no drinking so he could probably handle it, then said he wouldn't and apologized. But of course my whole mood changed. He finally brought up that I was quiet and I told him his comments bothered me, and then of course it all went downhill from there. I tried being neutral and focussing on me, i.e. how I fear his relapse, how I'm not sure how I feel about him anymore, and of course he didn't take it well. He says I'm overanalytical and that he just wants us to be happy and that he had a moment of weakness but was trying.
I don't think I handled it well. What does a person do in that situation like this where he wants a drink and sort of, asks me if it's ok? I gave him a death look but said he should do what he wants. But even though he didn't drink, I couldn't manage my feelings and it ruined my night. I told him next day that I'd lied, that although I've stopped expecting anything of him, that I still held a BIG expectation - that he wouldn't drink. And as soon as that bubble was under threat of being burst, I fell apart. I feel like I've taken 10 steps back.