Welcome to SR, laurenvmac!
I am sorry you are hurting right now.
I am an alcoholic in recovery. Congratulations to you on your sobriety.
It sounds like you have both let your recovery work take a back seat, and he slipped. Is part of what you are feeling now your own fear of slipping?
Stick around SR, it is a wonderful place for information and support. I come here almost daily, sometimes just to read. It helps me to see the posts of members who have longer sobriety, and it keeps it green for me when I read the posts of members just getting started and I remember how hard that struggle with addiction can be. When a member has a relapse, it helps to see the lessons that they have learned and what they are doing differently. We are here sharing our experiences and offering support one day at a time.