Thank you so much for your honesty. It means so much more when it comes from someone who has actually been on the receiving end of tough love. It is always a relief to hear someone that can understand and still care for the person who enforced hard consequences. So many of us spend our lives blaming and justifying everything to make ourselves look and feel better so I think it takes a rare person to be this honest with themself and others.
Congratulations on your recovery - with this kind insight and courage I think you will move past this and to me it sounds like you really are on the verge of being able to forgive your husband for having to make the tough choices as you already see that he did the right thing for all of you. Maybe you could start out by thanking him for being strong for your children.